The Love That Holds A Marriage Together – Forever!

There are as many Christians getting divorces as non-Christians. What do they not understand?

My wife does not want me to share how long we have been married because that would make her older than most people believe she is. However, we have three grandchildren over 20. Many think she is ten years younger than me. I point out she graduated from college two years before me. She quickly replies that I was in the service.

During these many years together we have never had a major disagreement. In fact, we are probably more in love today than we were the day we were married. So let me give you a brief history because that didn’t happen by accident.

I met my wife just after starting college. She was a junior and I was a lowly freshman. She was first violinist in the orchestra and in my mind the best vocal soloist in school. She was one of the more attractive young ladies majoring in music education. She was dating a senior math genius. So what were my chances? During my sophomore year they broke up and I asked her for a date. When she said yes I was in “Awe”. When I asked her to marry me and she said yes, I knew that only God could have made that happen. Therefore, I had better learn what God teaches about keeping a wife happy. Guess what—it works!

Our marriage started with Ephesians 5:21 – “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” I read where it said husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church. (Be willing to die for her.) She needed to feel my love and feel secure that she was always going to be the only one. She always supported me and gave me respect. The point I want to make is the Bible told us how to treat each other.

It didn’t take being married very long until we realized that we think differently. How long does it take to realize that you have a choice: you can either argue to be right or you understand that being right does not always bring togetherness? In most things how important is it to be right in marriage if you have totally surrendered your life to Christ. Isn’t it better to communicate and work things out and compromise? I believe that our self-centered nature causes more problems in marriage than anything. Scripture continually stresses we must die out to self. How many couples are willing to do this? Those getting divorces aren’t. Granted both must surrender. It probably is very difficult being married to someone addicted and is driven by their self-centered nature. This is why the Bible says we are not to be yoked together with a non-believer. A person who has not died out to self can make a marriage struggle.

It was hard learning the importance of unconditional love. During our pre-Christian lives we loved expecting something in return. We learned if God was first in our lives His ways taught us to respect each other and never intentionally do something that would harm or offend the other.

We are told to become more like Christ. Are we married to be served or to serve the other? Did the Son of God expect to be first in line or sit at the head of the table? How important do we think we are? The more humble couples are, the greater chance they will have of their marriage succeeding.

Everyone will have disagreements. How do we handle them? If you love someone enough you will negotiate with respect. Anger has no place in an argument with a spouse. Most anger is a response to a threat to our self-centeredness. If we are totally surrendered and committed to Christ our humility can overcome our anger.

Every day the last thing I do before leaving home is hug my wife and tell her how much I love her. The first thing I do when I come home is hug my wife and tell her I love her. While I am home there is never a doubt in my wife’s mind that I love her. As a result, I could not ask for a more supportive and respectful wife. The things the Bible says I need as a husband. Scripture says my wife needs to know she is loved. If you want a happy marriage do what the Bible says to do. If you are in a bad relationship one or both of you are ignoring what the Bible teaches.

Leave a comment


  1. Lu Bowen

     /  September 9, 2009

    So true! While we can be unequally yoked by our faith and one with no faith, we can also be unequally yoked in Christianity. Just because one is a believer does not mean they have surrendered their lives over to dying to themselves. It takes more than knowing the word from your head. Taking the steps for personal change to death takes courage and scrutiny from the world. Regardless of how our spouses act or treat/mistreat us, we are called to die to self and rise above it so they will know we are Christians by our love. For me, living with a man with weaker faith and disease, anger pointed at me constantly, I became stronger and grew to love more. It was those desperate years of “rising above it” that makes me appreciate a new beginning after death. Physical death of the man I loved and death to myself. Now I find that God is bringing up new areas to die for…..different areas of self. Gary Thomas’ book “Sacred Marriage”…what if marriage isn’t there to make you happy but to make you Holy. Love that!

  2. Jacqueline Mertel

     /  September 10, 2009

    I wish I had this information in my marriage. So well written, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Peace, Blessings, and Joy, Jacqueline


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