Developing A Perfect Marriage

There are simple rules that if followed, can create a perfect marriage.  You may believe nothing can be perfect.  Our marriage has been very close and it has been over fifty years.  However, we don’t take credit for it; we just did what the Bible told us to do.  Guest what?  It works!  Ask our children.

About once a year I feel led to write about marriage as I read the divorce statistics. According to the World Almanac over fifty-percent of the babies born in the past fifteen years are raised by a single parent. The Bible tells us how important families and family values are to any society.  Nations that have strong families and family values are more unified and seem to be more productive and have less crime.  Children are more behaved, have more respect for their parents and for authorities.  I have always believed a free-market capitalistic form of government only works well when its people live moral lives and treat each other with respect.  You cannot enact and legislate fairness and honesty; it is a result of one’s moral character and belief system. That normally comes from a loving functional family life.

As you study the Bible God taught the Israelites what food to eat, how to farm and how to raise their animals.  He gave laws to live by in order to live peacefully among their nation.   In the New Testament we are taught how a marriage is to survive and a couple should live together.  Following is a rather large amount of Scripture, but it tells us how the marriage should function.

Ephesians 5:21 – 33 – from the Message: “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.  Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.  No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

All married people know that God created men to think one way and women another.  I believe if you study the Bible you will find that women need to feel loved and secure.  Men need to feel respected and have their wife’s support.  If a wife does not feel her husband loves her and gives her security, she will be unhappy.  If a husband does not sense he has his wife’s total respect and support he will be unhappy in the marriage.   Because males and females think and communicate differently a husband may think he is providing love and security, the wife may think differently.  If a wife believes she is giving her husband respect and supports his endeavors, he may not accept her actions.  We may say one thing but our actions and body language give different signals.  Thus, strife in the marriage is likely to result.

If an affair occurs, the husband would believe she would not have done that if she respected him.  The wife would say he would not have done that if he really loved me.  The Bible says thou shall not commit adultery.  It applies to many things couples can do to each other’s primary needs in creating an unhappy situation.

My wife and I have never gone shopping for my clothes or hers without the two of us approving and selecting what we would buy.  If she is ashamed of how you dress or you in what she wears it can affect our natures of respect and love.  Having pride in each other is extremely important.

I have never doubted her respect and support and I have done everything to show my love and make her feel secure.  Marriage is God’s idea.  Its purpose was to make paradise complete.  Always keep in mind a wife needs unconditional love to satisfy that inner need.  A man needs his wife’s admiration, for her to speak well of him and defer to him.  In our present society when the roles are reversed marriage can become a battleground because God didn’t mean it to work that way.

Some governments have a president and a vice-president.  The vice-president is to show his respect and support for the president.  A good president does what is best for the nation.  He shows his love for country and makes every effort to make it secure.  There are roles God set up for every marriage.  The husband has been designated the president and the wife the vice-president.  God ordained a hierarchal structure: the head of every man is Christ; the head of the woman is the man and God is the head of Christ.  A couple has a certain role to play in the marriage and we must not be out of character for the association to succeed.

Christ was willing to die for the church.  A wife most likely would defer to a husband she knew would die for her than a husband she felt might sacrifice her to his fears, lusts or ambition.  We are told to become more like Christ.  Are we married to be served or to serve the other?  Did the Son of God expect to be first in line or sit at the head of the table?  How important we think we are—matters?  The more humble couples can be the greater chance they will have of their marriage succeeding.

Everyone will have disagreements.  How do we handle them?  If you love someone enough you will negotiate with respect.  Anger has no place in an argument with a spouse.  Most anger is a response to a threat to our self-centeredness.  If we are totally surrendered and committed to Christ our humility must overcome our anger.

It was hard learning the importance of unconditional love.   During our pre-Christian lives, as individuals, we loved, expecting something in return.  We learned if God was first in our lives His ways taught us to respect each other and never intentionally do something that would harm or offend the other. The more you love and respect one and the other, the less tension there will be in a marriage.  Take away the basic need of love and respect and you will end up with a dysfunctional marriage and family.

Apply Biblical principles to your marriage and see your marriage improve.

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